Fields of Grace (Guest Post)

David is a fellow blogger who I've connected with through our mutual love of playing worship music.  Reading his story of how he was transformed from a struggling guitarist to a worship leader resonates with me.  His story was offered to me as part of the Confirming Circumstance series.  You can read more of his journey at Get 'Em Tiger! You may also enjoy how he went from being an atheist/agnostic to a Christian (Why I am a Christian)

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Fields of Grace by David Bouchard

I remember that night like it was yesterday. I was at a turning point in my walk with Christ.

Danny was standing at that back of the sanctuary with me. The two of us sometimes ducked in to hear the band warming up. The sounds of one of my favorites--the almost raucous, almost irreverent strains of Darrell Evan's "Fields of Grace"--filled the room.

Music has always been a powerful force in my life. The music that entered my life through these guys during my new and growing life with Christ was no different. They stood up there nonchalantly rehearsing these transformational songs, unaware that we were lurking in the shadows soaking it in.

At this point in my life, I was seeking a place to serve in the ministry. I knew I was ready, I had felt the call. I was overflowing with new life. Danny turned to me, somewhat out of the blue, and asked, "If you could do any kind of service, no excuses, what would it be?"

I flashed him a mischievous smile and pointed to the band. "I'd be up there, leading others in worship."

But there were excuses. I had owned a guitar since I was 13 and knew a lot of chords. There was a key piece that hadn't clicked and I still really couldn't play any real songs. I also couldn't sing. Or didn't sing. Probably both. At family gatherings, my dad and I would stand in the back and move our lips while the rest of the family sang Christmas songs. For me to lead worship would take a series of miracles.

Flash forward. At work, a buddy of mine knew a guy that was wanted to jam at lunch. My friend and I weren't any good, but this guy was patient. He was a self-taught singer and guitar player, specializing in honky tonk. When he taught me to play "Here's a quarter, call someone who cares" it was like the heavens opened and the angels were singing. I still didn't even dare to dream that I would be a worship leader some day. But I could play a song.

More time passed. My wife's grandpa, Ed, had been a music man his whole life. He used to play the fiddle and guitar at barn dances when he was 13. For as long as I had known him, he wanted us to play together. I never could. I wasn't good enough. In his later years, his health declined and he relocated to a house closer to mine. He had broken his shoulder in a fall and couldn't play anymore. I was armed with a slew of country songs and a few church songs, so I'd gather the family and head over. We'd stay for hours, just strumming and singing. It was amazing how many songs he still knew word for word, even as his body betrayed him and gave out.

Ed's wife, Nona, approached me about Ed's guitar. The only guitar I had ever seen him play was a Korean one with a rounded plastic back. She knew I was a Martin man (though I didn't own one). She asked if I'd like to play Ed's old Martin sometime. I humored her and said sure. I'll play about anything. I seriously underestimated her, assuming she didn't know a Martin from an knock-off Ovation. I was wrong. A few weeks later she brought a late 80s D-18 up from their old place. A few months later I was playing "Red River Valley" on it by Ed's side as he took his final breath. It was one of the most significant experiences in my life.

My life went on. After all those hours playing for Ed and the family, I had quite a repertoire built up. I had this music in me but no outlet for it.

One thing led to another. The ministry I served experienced a few changes. The worship leader allowed me to sit in with him, teaching me a bit of what he knew. It was uncomfortable...completely outside my comfort zone. But it worked. God's hand was on it and it worked.

After more transitions, we found ourselves without a worship leader again. I'm not a great musician. I'm not as talented as these other guys. But I had been singing, playing, and making joyful noises for a couple of years. God had been preparing me. He didn't prepare me by giving me an abundance of talent, he prepared me by giving me just enough skill while aligning my heart to His purpose. Full of anxiety and doubt sprinkled with faith, I stepped into the role.

He blessed it. I led worship for that ministry every Friday night for over a year. And He blessed it. Our band was defined more by a heart for God than by our talent. I learned how to truly surrender to God during that time. The weeks that I thought I had it together turned out dreadful. The weeks I didn't have a hope of it being any good were amazing. The spirit of God would fill the place. People would walk out of a worship experience different than when they walked in. God taught me to empty myself of myself to allow Him to fill me and work through me.

Like so much of my life, I can look back on how God's hand was on me the whole time. He began weaving that thread into my soul when I was very young, listening to John Denver, James Taylor, the Beatles, and the muppets. He used my rebellious love of metal, industrial, and punk to expand my versatility. He guided me into deeper intimacy with him through worship and praise music. And then he allowed me the honor of leading others into the same place.

It's been almost two years since we ended that ministry. That means it's been almost two years since I've led worship regularly. Last Friday night, I had the opportunity to lead worship again. This time it was alongside one of those men that were playing that night years ago in the sanctuary with Danny. This time, we played and worshiped together for about two hours. The spirit was moving through me once more as I finished up one of my favorites...the almost raucous, almost irreverent Crowder version of "Like a lion". He turned to me and said, "I know we didn't practice this one, but I'm really feeling 'Fields of Grace'. Are you up for that?"

God led me down this long, winding, miraculous road. Any doubt of God's hand directing my steps were erased as together we belted out "There's a place where I sing new songs of praise..."

David Bouchard

Get 'Em Tiger!

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