A Question of Control

I am sitting with Robb in a cramped and busy coffee shop as far away as possible from everyone for the difficult conversation we are about to have. He asks me the questions I am expecting to hear.

"Have I done anything to offend you? Are you avoiding me?"

My response. "You've done nothing wrong. The reason we aren't talking is because there is nothing ever wrong with you."

Yep, that was it. Robb is one of those guys that never seems bothered. Things could be going drastically wrong all around him and you would never know it when you talk to him.  Do you have any friends like that? Really annoying!  

I was the complete opposite. I've been sharing my struggles with him for years and the previous 18 months had been especially bad. It was to the point that I didn't want to talk to people who had nothing wrong in their lives. I wanted to be talking to people who could relate to my struggles and who were sharing their own struggles with me.

Being with someone who didn't struggle made me feel inferior.

He sat there and thought about what I said for quite some time. Finally he said, "I guess it is because I don't worry about things I can't control. I do what I can with what I can control but once it is out of my hands, I let it go."

That talk has taken close to nine months to fully sink in.

While we were having that talk, I was dealing with anger. Most of my friends and co-workers wouldn't have realized how angry I was but my family and close friends knew it. Unfortunately, my anger would surface at home in any disagreement or disappointment causing me to raise my voice and say unpleasant things.

I was trying to pretend I didn't have a problem, but deep down I knew it was bad and getting worse.

The anger was the result of things happening in my life that were out of my control.  Things I thought I should be able to control but could not.

Sitting here nine months later, I don't have any of those same feelings.  I don't think my circumstances have changed drastically in the past year but my view on life has.  In fact, I am becoming one of those annoying people!

The realization of this reminded me of the conversation with Robb and his ability to release control. To allow God to take the rightful role of problem solver in my life and to release all my worries over to Him. It doesn't mean I'm perfect yet (or ever will be) but I work on things I can control and focus my energies there.

This past week our family had dinner with Robb's family. I had just helped him empty the contents of one of his stores into the warehouse. After running a retail clothing chain successfully for many years and struggling for the past 2 years to make a profit, his three stores were closing their doors due to changes in the purchase patterns of his clients.  Things out of his control.

Most people I know would have been in mourning and worrying about their future.  Perhaps getting upset at the lack of control that they had regarding the situation.

Not his family.

They were celebrating everything God had provided. A family business that had been run by multiple generations for 75 years opening many opportunities for them. The relationships with current and former employees who continually tell them how much working for their company has blessed them. For all the financial blessings that came with owning their business and the freedom it gave them to spend extra time with their children.

The dinner was a happy family meal looking forward to what God had in store for them next.

And trusting God to control the things they can't.

Are you trying to control something that you can't?


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