My Friend Joshua (Part 2)

If you have missed the first installment of this series, you will want to read it here (Part 1).

Graveyards

As I mentioned earlier, I would often find Joshua with different groups of friends.

I don't remember how or why I ended up there, but at some point, I ended up at a youth event that my friend Joshua was also at.  The speaker for the evening was a missionary from some middle-east location.

At this point in my life, I haven't had much exposure to missionaries and I was quickly getting bored.  The missionary was clicking through pictures, describing what each picture represented and describing how the work he was doing was affecting the people of the region.

The only pictures I remember were of the graveyard.  There were multiple pictures of different headstones and it wasn't the images that impressed me but the reaction it generated when described.

The missionary said, 'These are pictures of Muslim graves.  Thousands and thousands of graves.'.  He paused for effect and then proclaimed 'None of them are going to heaven.'.

There was an immediate reaction to this statement.  It came from Joshua. It was the first (and only) time I saw him upset.  He stood up and said with a strong and clear voice "Who are you to judge the souls of the people in these graves?".

I watched him from across the room. I could see he was visibly upset but seemed satisfied that his point had been made after his outburst. The missionary appeared to realize that he had crossed a line and back-tracked on his statement.

I always wanted to ask Joshua about that confrontation but never got the opportunity.

Relationships

Relationships were also an area of freedom that I began exploring during my college years. Oh how I wish I could erase this part of my memory or change my actions.

About mid-way through college, a two year relationship I had been in, ended from infidelity issues.  I am neither proud of that nor how I handled myself in the months following the breakup.  The end of the relationship sparked a desire to date and be with as many girls as possible, exploring how far and fast the relationship could develop to physical intimacy.

I realized what I was doing was wrong but nothing was stopping me.  I was exploring.

Most of the guys I hung out with were quite proud of my conquests or at least, that is the way I remember it.  Or perhaps, that is the way I want to remember it.

My friend Joshua was different.  He didn't participate in the questioning to find out more details. He didn't join in the juvenile celebrations. But at the same time, he didn't make me feel guilty or tell me I was doing something wrong. I could just tell he didn't approve.

If he did ask questions, it would be more about the dates themselves like "How is Sara's Dad doing after the operation?" or "Is Mary visiting her family soon?"(names changed).  It was curious because the questions challenged me to acknowledge that he knew more about my dates than I did.

It was times like this that he distanced himself from the group.  He would find ways to change the topic and head us down a different conversation.

I believe this started to annoy the other students and eventually generated the fuel for the gossip about him.

One day, he did catch me alone when I was really struggling with what I was doing.  I had done something that even I couldn't boast about or share with the rest of my fan club. He eased into the conversation as if he knew what was already on my mind.

He didn't condemn me.  He simply asked me "Is that how you would want to be treated?".

That marked the start of a change toward the way I approached relationships.

The Sickness

My college days were during the mid-eighties.  It was around this time that the big scare was on for AIDS.  It was a very new and misunderstood disease.  Famous people were hiding the fact they had it and eventually dying from it.  The people suspected of being HIV positive were frequently shunned and avoided.

After my friend Joshua came back from Africa, rumors started to abound.  He wasn't looking good and it was getting steadily worse.  While he never said anything, the gossip mill announced that he was HIV positive and had contracted AIDS.

I tried to stay out of the rumors but whenever he wasn't around, I am ashamed to admit that I would laugh at the jokes that started in good fun and eventually became cruel.

The rumors and fear caused people to start avoiding him.  I saw him less frequently.  When I did see him, he still had that great smile but I started to see sadness in his eyes.

One day, I did get a chance to talk to him alone in the library.  I told him that rumors were flying and that people were saying nasty things.  He just smiled.  I asked why he never said anything bad about other people or defend himself.

He smiled again and said "My Dad always said if you can't say something nice about someone, then don't say anything".

I laughed at that for two reasons.  The first was that I had always heard this expression start with 'My Mom' but for some reason he referred to his father.  The second reason was that I always remembered him saying nice things about people.  Even the ones that were especially nasty to him.


***** To Be Continued *****


In the next issue, Joshua's sickness gets steadily worse leading to a visit in the hospital.

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